Ah, Tuesday.

Yesterday almost killed me. It was Tuesday, which is supposed to by my day with Boy One, but Boy Two has been really sick, so he was home with me as well. Clearly, I am not cut out for having any more children, and may the universe bless the Stay At Home Moms out there, because my people had driven me to the edge before ten-thirty in the morning.

Boy Two was up at 6:00, because apparently he did not get the memo about it being summer vacation. He also missed the one about not requiring two doctor's appointments in the same week. Man, I really have to teach that kid how to read his email.

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Boy One slept until 9:00, by which point B2 was bringing me my shoes and banging on the apartment door to be let out for the day. B1, cooperative as ever, refused to get dressed and replied to all requests for progress with some variation of, "I'm reading my magazine!" by which he means he is pouring over his Lego catalog, scheming as to how he can convince me to give him more allowance. As the obvious offspring of his father, B1 would be happy to stay inside all day, playing video games and watching Netflix. B2, on the other hand, thinks it is his duty to patrol the apartment grounds and the duck pond daily, and he would likely do these rounds himself if he was tall enough to press the down button on the elevator. I exist somewhere in between these extremes, but on this particular morning, I was hungry and out of coffee, and thus anxious to get a move on.

Eventually, B1 relented and agreed to go out in the world, if and only if he got to ride in the stroller. He refused sun screen, reasoning that if he had the shade open as I pushed him, he would never be in the sun. B2 continued to bang on the door and scream at me throughout the negotiations.

Forty-five minutes later, we were outside. B2 ran off towards the duck pond, and B1, still in the stroller, mind you, began wailing that he wanted to get his bike.

Ray: "Can you go upstairs and get it yourself?"

B1: "No! You have to come with me!"

B2: "Peace out, people! I'm going swimming with the koi!"

I chased B2, catching him before he could manage to fall into the water, then strapped him, kicking and screaming, into the stroller as B1 ran back into the building.

Twenty minutes later, we re-emerged, sun-screened and ready for the epic 0.3 mile expedition to Trader Joe's.

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B2, still not feeling well, politely declined my offer to push him in the stroller and decided instead to scream bloody murder until I acquiesced in his request to be carried. B1 gleefully peddled down the sidewalk, narrowly missing the UPS man and the lady in pink and black spandex trying to speed walk with her terrier before disappearing around the corner. I followed behind, trying desperately to convince myself that not only was I having a great time, but also that these will be the days I will miss when I am old and my children refuse to call me. It didn't work.

Eventually, B1 came running back, sans vélo, as excited as a five year old can be about how far he had ridden. He was beaming, and my heart sang for him and his glory. He led me, triumphant, to the end of the block, where he had dropped his bike unceremoniously on the corner.

"That was my longest ride EVER!" he squealed.

"Yes, it was. I think you're right. Nicely done, dude." He smiled, and the world sang.

We made it to the store, and managed to traverse the establishment without any serious difficulty. Then, I gobbled down half of my sugar-plum tomatoes and most of a bag of Inner Peas while B1 played on the stone dolphins and B2 obliterated a nectarine, possibly by eating some of it, but mostly by smashing it all over his shirt and face. Fun times all around.

When it was FINALLY time to go home, B1 refused to ride his bike. Therefore, I found myself pushing the stroller full of food with my right hand, leading the bike with my left hand, coaxing the angry toddler to follow, and trying to answer the kindergartner's thirty-five hundred questions as he hurled them at me.

An elderly man with a cane asked if he could be of any assistance. I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't think of anyway he could. I declined, thanked him, and continued on my way.

Eventually, B1 changed his mind and rode his bike back home. Then, I was able to pick up B2, who immediately ceased his whining. A warm breeze blew across the land, rustling the trees, and I smiled as I was reminded of the quiet, peaceful joy there is in the world.

And then I realized I had forgotten to buy the damn coffee.

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